Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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