I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
