i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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