I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
