I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
