im drinking this country out of the recession.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
