xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
