i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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