I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
