my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Still dying that you shit outside
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
