What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
