they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
