If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Jerry, you need to find god
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
