just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
