you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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