We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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