Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I believe in your delicious
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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