I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
