I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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