I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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