My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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