I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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