Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
