i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
