She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
