I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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