I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
