So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
