Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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