just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
