I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
