I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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