Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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