my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
