I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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