remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
