Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
