hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
