I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bring me that man meat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
