at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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