come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
