So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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