Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
