You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
