Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
