you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
