So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
did i walk over a car last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
