In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
