Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Boobs speak an international language.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
