Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
