how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
