So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
