In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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