im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
