Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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