My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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