does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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