I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
