just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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