apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
