i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
