She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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